Personally, for us, awareness is important because we have experienced it 5 times. Since it's so near and dear to our hearts, it's just something we are passionate about sharing. Also, with more awareness, the more people will understand it, be able to help those going through it and possibly more babies lives will be saved, as we spread the word of things you can do, watch out for and such to help with some of the cases of pregnancy/infant loss. I have heard in most cases, going through loss can break marriages apart and really damage them. I am forever grateful for the husband God gave to me. We have been dating since we were 15 years old and now, after losing 5 precious babies, we are only stronger and more in love. We have been through way more than we ever thought we would, when we said our vows to each other. It makes our love that much more special to us and helps us not to take for granted our family and love. We want to renew our vows in a few years because of all that we've been through. We truly believe that this time when we say our vows, it will mean more to us than before because we have walked many of the "for betters" and "for worse" situations and are so grateful to God for how He has used these times in our lives to only strengthen and grow us closer to Him and each other! My husband is my earthly rock!
I want people to know they are not alone AND I want others to know this is common and it's okay and helpful to talk about and mourn with parents. Only because of our faith, our losses have made our marriage stronger. We have a more intimate understanding and depth with each other, and we revel that we share in this great extra joy that we'll attain at death - seeing all our children. As a wife, I've also never felt so incredibly loved and precious and adored as the weeks following our loss. This is an impression on my heart I carry every day.
...Just wanted to drop you a note and tell you again how very precious the little gift bag is that you put together. I was looking through it this morning and comforted again that some day I'll get to meet my two little angels. That will be so amazing. I just love the little hats too! Adorable.Thanks for helping me process something that happened so long ago and that I'd minimized and walked away from, when it really needed to be acknowledged and grieved ... and then given back to our great Father again. Keep up the good work.
My miscarriage was between my 2 daughters, in 2004. I named him David, although it’s just a feeling that he was a boy. I won’t know the real sex until I get to Heaven! Women who miscarry are an overlooked outreach area. When I had my miscarriage, it made me realize that people just want to ignore it happened, or gloss over your loss. It was so hard that way. I feel like I have grieved the miscarriage, but it’s been healing for me just to “talk” about it. It’s been a pleasure corresponding with you and sharing my miscarriage story with you. It’s not something I talk a lot about (the point of your ministry). My husband sometimes seems to grieve the loss of our child more than me.
When I had my miscarriage in 2008, it was a very sad experience. I was at the doctors, getting what I thought was a routine ultrasound. I just assumed that everything was okay, so I didn't take my husband with me. When the ultrasound picture came up, I saw a baby, and the nurse searched and searched for a heartbeat and couldn't find one. I got really scared. My heart sank, and I knew that something wasn't right. Then, she said that there was no heart beat and she was very sorry. My stomach turned, and I lost it. I just couldn't believe that my little angel inside me was gone. I thought why me? Why? Then, my doctor, Carol Miller, came in the room and got me an appointment to get a D & C. Dr Miller was so wonderful and told me that we would get this taken care of right away, so I didn't have to labor the baby. If I could change anything that happened with my miscarriage, I would say that I wish my husband was there with me, because it was awful to sit there by myself and get that kind of news. I know now that my baby is in a better place with the Lord, and that things happen for a reason.
I am alone on an ocean with no navigational charts that show me how to plot my way through the journey. Even the internet yields very little as far as what to expect emotionally and physically . . . In the midst of the grief and the ocean riptide pulling me under, I find a heart cry, “Don’t let this grief be wasted! God, use this somehow! Give it purpose!” I’m not ready for my grief and experience to be used yet—I’m still trying not to drown myself—but in the future, I want God to use this . . . I surrender and trust even as I grieve and mourn. I don’t feel like I will make It beyond this, but I know, by His grace, I will. Abandoned Surrender. . ." From Nathaniel’s story: The Grief and Healing of a Ruptured Ectopic Pregnancy
I always wondered how to state how many children I had. Did I have four or do I have two? Then I met Holly Besser in Bible study. My first memory is her stating (at the time), “I have four children--a son and our coming baby, gesturing toward her blossoming belly, and two children in heaven.” She even named her heaven-children as she did her living children. I heard her words and a chain fell off my soul. Her matter-of-fact transparency gave me the permission I had been longing for when speaking of my children— of them--earth-side and heaven-side.
Holly goes where many don’t go, both in person and in her book. Because of this ministry, many women have found healing on the lonely sea of grief that losing a baby or child casts one upon. Holly walks beside those of us with broken hearts and weeps with us as we weep. But she doesn’t leave us there. She also takes us beyond, with the hope found in God’s Word and her own personal and astounding testimony that already reveals, here on earth, an eternal purpose to devastating loss.
I look forward to the day when Holly and I can meet up in heaven with our heaven-children by our side and fall to our knees in worship together at the feet of the One who works all things to His good purpose. A purpose that will redeem the grief of missing them here and leave us in awe and wonder at the role we were chosen to play when we sent our babies on before us.
- Melissa Carswell
Author at www.hiddenvalleysimplicity.com,
a blog ministry to women in all walks of life, as well as the documentation of the unfolding story of Shiloh--
a refuge of love and safety for special needs and medically fragile children in need of a forever family.
When I retired from teaching, I doubted that my life would ever sense fulfillment in any other undertaking. God has proven me wrong. When I finally acknowledged God as the Lord of my life...Him first, not me. He has used me in ways I could never have imagined. This ministry is one of God's blessings to me. He is allowing me to open my heart to the needs of one who has lost someone very special, very much loved. I am humbled by this opportunity to touch on the life of this precious woman, to reflect the love of the Lord to someone whose world is rather dark right now. To Him be the praise!!!
Awareness for childloss is important, because it is an often ignored genuine grief, and I want women to know they're not alone. Hearing other women's stories about miscarriage has helped me tremendously this year. Someday, I want to be that encouraging women for someone else. Our miscarriage actually made our marriage stronger than it was. It opened up communication on some things that we had both been trying to ignore or not address.
We lost our sweet baby Oct 16,2009...we were 13 weeks along and had come in to see her/his first picture. We saw our baby,but only the shell as he/she was in Gods arms. We had already been blessed with a 9 & 7 year old but that did not make it any less painful. The minute I saw two lines that baby was a part of our family and i was his/her mommy forever. Last December we saw two lines again and after three months of progesterone and three months of bedrest and awful medicine to stop contractions and nine months of puking( I had what princess Kate has been diagnosed with) we welcomed Tabitha Joy into our family and arms. As they placed her on my chest my first thought was of our baby I never got to hold. When I am asked how many kids we have I answer four. Three here on earth and one waiting for us. Thank you for your ministry. Unfortunately miscarriage is not talked about and it feels at times we suffer alone. I am confident that our sweet babies life had a purpose. I may not know all of it,but because of her/his life and death I have been able to truly know what it is to grieve and to rely fully on God. It has also brought a depth into our marriage and it made our children realize life is so precious and fragile. Her/his life has also opened doors to reach out to others.
Jaycee is our angel’s name. 12wks 5days was his gestation age. I have no uterus but ended up conceiving. I was praying and hoping for a miracle of baby surviving but became extremely ill and went to hospital just to find out there was nothing that could be done and I'd be left with my son being an angel. Since then I have had another incident as they call it of same thing but it didn't go as far and the fetus had no heart beat as the first. A hormone level test had been determine the first time which is why we knew we could name our angel to proper gender. I wish everyday a uterus to appear so I can have a bundle of joy with my husband but I know it'll never happen. My husband and I enjoy adding memories of what seems to remind us of the baby boy we never got to meet. Baseball stuff, frogs, turtles and the colors green&blue. We love him forever in our hearts every day.
Having never experienced difficulties or pregnancy scares, I was completely taken by surprise when a lack of heartbeat at the 18-week checkup for our fourth child led to the discovery that our son had died. After labor was induced, we faced the unimaginable heartache of holding our son who had died from an umbilical cord accident. Many women revealed to me then that they too had suffered heartache or loss. Even years after the losses, tears filled their eyes, as they now felt the freedom to talk about their missing children and the lingering sadness. My heart went out to them, that they had never felt they could talk about miscarriage or how many children they really had, and that this suppression had left them with much heartache. I also felt the great gap between me and them, as none of them had ever held their dead child, so they didn't understand my flashbacks, among other related problems. I desperately read so many books on loss, but they all left me with the same pain, darkness, almost despair as before. One lady on the other side of the country was able to reach me in my darkness, as she had experienced the same loss, and could comfort me with the comfort God had sent her. Slowly I recovered physically, emotionally, and spiritually, but I think the recovery would've been much quicker if I could have been a part of a support group like Perfect Joy offers. When I lost the next three babies, all in the 11 to 14 week zone, I knew I needed some more help, as this secondary infertility was bringing more challenges than anticipated. A search of the internet brought me to this support group, and it was such a refreshment to my soul. Rather than simply offering me commiseration in my struggles, real hope and true joy were offered alongside the genuine empathy and loving concern. It also enabled me to reach out to those who weren't as far along as I in this journey and could be comforted with the comfort I had received in the past. I find it difficult to adequately express how much the support and the blog posts have helped me, and the ministry of the joy bundles is incomparable! Someone in the midst of the darkness and loneliness of loss is seeking a lifeline, but so few people offer one. This ministry offers a lifeline and continues to help for as long as needed.
- Anonymous, Michigan
Our first baby was named "Mystery Baby" by my step children because we don't know his or her gender. We lost Mystery around 12 weeks in the beginning of September 2011; the Doctor said it was a blighted ovum. After waiting one cycle, we tried again and got immediately pregnant with our second baby, Isaac Kosuke. We were so happy. However, this pregnancy was an emotional roller coaster for almost its entirety. I started bleeding around my 14th week. My husband and I and all of our prayer warriors begged God to spare us from another miscarriage. Thankfully, He did. But it was discovered soon after that Isaac had an omphalocle; his liver and intestines were growing in his umbilical cord outside of his body. There were many unknowns even though we had some of the best Doctors caring for us. No one could have prepared us for the 6 1/2 weeks that began at Isaac's birth; June 7, 2012. We were told several times that Isaac probably wouldn't live much longer, but several times Isaac fought hard and surprised us all. We hoped and assumed he was our miracle baby who would defeat all the odds. But that wasn't to be. Sadly, he got infected by a nasty virus and went to be with Jesus on July 22, 2012. It's been 10 months since Isaac left us and we miss him as much as the first day. I found out about Perfect Joy Ministries from a podcast on the FLN radio station. It has been a tremendous blessing to me. Being able to read posts and Bible studies, get encouragement in response to my struggles and to give some encouragement to others has made me feel less like an isolated island trying to cope on my own. And PJM always points me back to God as the source of my strength, healing and redemption.
- Anonymous, New York